I'm A Poet and I Didn't Know It
by Holli-chan
Summary: Um... basically a bunch of death note poetry drabbles. This is what poetry section in school does to me! I'M THINKING IN POETRY! D: anyway, lots of yaoi fluff drabbles in poetry form and crap, sure to be MxM and LxL and BxA and maybe GxN too. Enjoy...?
1. Do You Remember Me?

_**A/N: I practically think in poetry now that we're in the poetry section of reading class, and all my poetry-rants seem to be related to Death Note somehow... So here's all my suckish fandom-poems, starting with this one! Yay! :D...kind of. whatever. if you don't like, don't read, just don't flame. i'm not a poet, dude. sorry...**_

_…**T____T sorry this sucks. **_

**Do You Remember Me?**

Do you remember me

Darling one?

Do you recognize

My face?

Do you remember?I remember _you_.

But of course!

How could I forget

Mihael Keehl?That's right -

I couldn't.

You were

My first,

After all.

First love, first kiss,

First everything.

Do you remember me,

Beautiful one?

I remember you.

You and your

Perfect angelic face,

Porcelain skin,

Feathery, golden hair,

Bright blue eyes.

Giving off a sense

Of faux-innocence.

Still as beautiful

As you always were.

Do you remember me,

Fearless one?

I remember you.

You haven't changed

Still strutting

Like on a catwalk.

Still smirking

Because you know

You're better than them.

Still powerful

With almost

Feline fearsomeness.

_Fantastic._

Just like you used to be.

Do you remember me,

Cruel one?

I remember you.

The way you used me

Held me close,

Only to pull away too soon?

How you never failed

To have me

Wrapped around your finger,

Tamed

Like a dog

Even now.

Do you remember me,

Merciless one?

I remember you.

I remember - I always,

Always do.

What about you?

Have you forgotten?

Forgotten me?

Has he slipped your mind,

That boy?

The loyal partner,

The sidekick,

The dog?

Pledging together:

"Forever, always!"

Have you forgotten

The boy you left behind

Wailing

Crying

Begging.

"Let me come with you!

Let me help you!

I love you, I love you…

Don't leave me alone…"

Do you remember me,

Dear one?

Surely you

Must remember.

You've never been the type

To forget.

Nor the kind

To forgive.

I should hate you

For what you did.

But I don't.

Even now

As you look at me

As if

You'd seen a ghost

Instead of

An old friend.

Horrified and awed

By my presence

After years apart,

I am not angry.

I just miss you.

So I have to ask:

Do you remember me,

Mello?Do you remember

The boy

Who loves you

Even now?

I remember you.

**A/N: I WARNED YOU THAT IT SUCKED! XD Matt angst. Sorry. :-/ ignore this… I just felt the need 2 write it down! DX**


	2. The Poetry Assignment

**A/N: Please forgive the suckishness T____T; once again. This is the last poem for today, I swear!**

**(The Poetry Assignment)**

**Mello's Poem Thing**

Roger is an idiot for making

Us do this assignment.

It's completion, so I can write

About whatever I want though

And it won't be read by anyone.

So this isn't much of a poem,

Really

It just looks like one.

But seeing as I can say whatever I want,

So I'd just like to say:

Why do we have

To do these stupid poems?Why do we have to do anything?It seems so pointless

To be graded on POETRY

When we should be learning

Valuable skills like Math and Science

Or Crime Scene Investigation (the best class ever)

Which will actually help us

In succeeding L.

I mean, really!

What criminal

Is going to need poetry skills

To catch?Will he simply kill someone

By using poetry?I suspect that would be

A beautiful way to die…

There are a lot of ways

To kill a person

You know.

That sounds like it

Doesn't relate to what

I was saying before

But that's because

It doesn't.

You can kill someone

With almost anything.

Kira can kill someone

Without even touching them.

I'd like to know

_How_

But L won't tell anyone.

I wondered once if he knew

But he has to know because

He's L, and he's

Pretty much

The smartest person

Ever.

Why else would we want to be

Him?

Matt,

My annoying

Redheaded roommate

Is trying to read over my

Shoulder.

MATT IS AN IDIOT.

There, he's gone now

Gone back to

Playing his stupid Zelda game

Like he's been doing for

Weeks now.

I wonder sometimes

What he really thinks behind

Those goggles of his

With those emerald-green eyes

A pair on his face.

I wonder what's going on

In that red haired head of his.

If he knows that I'm writing sappy things

About him in my poems

Like right now.

If he knows that I want to write about

How his hair is a really cool color

Red like a rose

Instead of that orange-red that

Some people have

And his green eyes that are

Colored like emeralds

And shine like diamonds.

I wonder if he realizes I think like that

Sometimes.

Not that I do

Or anything like that.

I swear to god

If Near finds this poem

And laughs at me for it

I'll crush his head

On a cinder block.

The stupid albino twit.

Don't look at me

Like that. I don't mean

I'd ever actually kill him.

Because I wouldn't - he's

Not that bad.

I mean, he is… but the stupid

Jerk

Doesn't deserve death

Nobody does, really,

It's not like murdered anyone

Or something.

Kira, though -

Kira deserves the death penalty

More than anyone else

Ever

For what he's been doing.

The only person worse is probably

Hitler.

If Hitler had succeeded

You know

Matt wouldn't be alive

Because his mom was Jewish.

I would, I guess

Since I'm Aryan and German,

But it wouldn't be the same

Without Matt.

So.

This poem is stupid.

It's not even really a poem.

It's just me talking about

Nothingness

And cutting off to make it look

Like a poem.

Ha ha Matt will read this

Probably

And be mad at me for not

Writing anything serious

Because Matt has been sitting there now

For about twenty minates

Complaing about how he doesn't know

What to write about.

I hope he doesn't write about me

Since he's a total sap head.

But knowing Matt

He probably will.

-Mello

* * *

**A Stupid Pointless Love Poem for a Maniac**

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I am good at

Looking

At you and your

Blue eyes

And your

Blonde hair.

I know that you're

Working on your poem

But it's not about anything

Because you're

Afraid

To write anything

Serious

Because Poetry is about

Feelings

And you don't like

Showing

Feelings

That aren't anger or ambition

Like I do.

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Feelings.

At least I'm good at

Making people understand

How I feel

At least most people

But not

You

Because

You

Are as dense as a

Bowling ball

And it took me

Two years

To make you understand

And I had to

Kiss you

To do it.

But that's okay

With me

Because I'm just fine

With you being

Dense

Because it's easier

To hide

How much I love

You

Because you'd probobly punch me

If you knew.

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Hugging

At least that's what

You said

Yesterday

When I hugged you

Since you were

Upset about rankings

Again.

You really are too

Focused

On schoolwork and that twit

Near.

Sometimes I swear you

Pay more attention

To him rather than

Me.

But really that's just

Me being

Selfish

And wanting

You

All to myself.

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Video games.

I wish I wasn't so good sometimes

Though

Because you hate to

Loose

And always get mad

When I

Beat you all the time

At video games and

Refuse

To play with me anymore

And you're icy blue eyes

Get narrowed and

Frustrated

And I can tell you're

Childish

And hate to

Loose

So you choose not to play

At all.

I wish sometimes I could

Just loose

But if I let you

Win

It's only worse for

You

Because you're too

Smart

To fall for that.

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Sports.

Actually, that was a

Lie.

I'm not good at sports.

I don't even like

Sports

But I still go outside and

Play them

Because you always insist that

I need some

Fresh air

And I know that we could just open

A window

But I follow you anyway

Because I'd follow you

Anywhere

Even if it means coming in contact

With the horrors of

Mother nature

And engaging in

Athletics

Which I hate

Unless it's just me watching

You

Play sports

Then it's okay because you're

Really cool when you're

Playing sports.

That sounds stupid like some

Kind of creepy fan boy

Stalker

But it's kind of

True.

So does it make me

A fan boy

Stalker?

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Rambling

About you and your

Angel looks.

You really do look like

An angel

You know, even though it

Doesn't exactly match your

Personality.

I imagine most angels aren't

Stubborn

Violent

And crazy

But that's okay for me

Because if you weren't

Stubborn

Violent

And crazy

You won't be Mello, and if

You weren't Mello

Then I wouldn't

Be writing this stupid

Love poem

And that wouldn't

Be very good for

Me.

I'm not good at

Poetry

But I'm good at

Apologies.

So sorry that this poem

Sucks

Badly

And I'm sorry that

I made you

Blush

Because I know that I

Did.

You're cute when you

Blush

By the way.

-Matt

**Puzzled**

I'm puzzled over what I'm suppose to write here

And also confused on how we are suppose to be writing

Something about friendship or family

As you said

When really a lot of us don't have very many

Friends

And we don't have families since we're

Orphaned.

It's a bit sad, but a lot of us don't even have

Feelings.

At least, I don't really have them.

That is a lie.

I have feelings, but I don't like to write poetry

About them.

In fact I prefer to pretend that they don't exist

Because if they don't exist, then maybe

The pain won't exist either

And the knowledge that I'm an orphan

That the knowledge that I'm a freak

That the knowledge that I'm frightened

That the knowledge that I'm crippled

Will fade away and be lost along with

The emotions.

Maybe then I'll be able to forget.

But it's hard to forget when there's

Crazy blonds

And

Curious redheads

Everywhere, always just around the corner

To ask me why I'm always like this

And to remind me that emotions aren't bad

And that being smart is no excuse

To stop feeling, not really

Because they definitely feel and

While I'd never admit it, Mello and Matt are as smart

As anyone here

(Even me).

So the real reason I hide my emotions

Isn't because I'm too smart for them, but rather

Because I'm smart enough to be

Frightened

Of the aftermath of acting on feelings on a whim

And I've seen enough to know that

Happiness, love, and excitement

Aren't the only pieces in the emotion puzzle

And with them always comes

Sadness, heart-break, and disappointment.

So I suppose that I'm puzzled

As to how easily people can write down their feelings

In rhyme and verse

When they're so confusing to me

The smartest in Wammys.

I suppose that, though I am many things

Fearless

Is not one of them.


	3. I love you

"**I love you"**

You spend all your life

With your parents

And family

And people who care

Saying "I love you"

And expecting you

To say

"I love you,

Too!"

That's all fine and dandy

When it's just your

Family

But in a way it's just

Trained into our minds

That when you say

"I love you"as expected you must

Reply

"I love you too"

Which is nice and wonderful

Until you say it

And you don't mean it

And end up doing nothing

Good

And end up doing everything

Bad

By breaking someone's heart

When your just simply

Too young to

Understand

What love really is

Saying it so much

And so often

That, slowly, "I love you"

Is loosing it's meaning

To the point

When it doesn't

Even matter anymore, really

And would be better off

Replaced by

"I'm obliged to tell you

That I care about you

Because I do

Maybe."

Because really that's

What it all

Adds up to

When it comes to this age

And really when it comes

To the time

In that final moment

It hardly matters

How many times

You've said it

But rather

How many

You've proved it.

So when I was there

Ready to be shot down

It didn't matter to me

That the number of times

You said

"I love you"

To me could be counted

On my fingers

Because you'd proved it

A million times over

With kisses

And passion

And touching

And comfort

And fighting

And protecting

And all your various

Mello ways of showing it

Even if it's not the same as

Everyone else's.

I didn't really mind

That I could remember each time

Easily without even

Thinking about it, or

That the number of times

Was so small

And tiny like that because

It didn't matter

How many times you said it

Because you've never been the type

To say what you feel

All the time

Like me.

So I'd like you

To know

That when I fell to

The ground

When I took

My last breath

And I could see my own life

Slipping away

And my heart

Took it's last thump

And my eyes fluttered

Shut

And my last cigarette,

A habit you never could

Make me stop,

Fell to the cement

I was thinking of you

And your beautiful

Blue eyes

And your blonde hair

And your rare

Pure smile

And the way you were

Always there

And deep down you

Always cared

And I was thinking of you

And not caring

That you never said it

That often

So you shouldn't feel bad

About it

Even if I guilt-tripped you

A couple times

It really doesn't matter

How many times you say

"I love you."

You don't have to worry

Even if you see

Me falling

Even if you're watching

When I fall

Bleeding my life out

To my death,

Even if you watch

Without a word

Without a scream

Without a cry

I don't mind

Because I know you care

And that

Even if you didn't ask me to

I would have happily

Died for you.

So don't worry too much

And I'll be

Waiting for you

Wherever we go in the end

And if

You're wrong

And it all ends for real

And there's nothing there waiting

On the other side

Then that's okay too

Because my last thought

Was of you.

"I love you."

-Mail

* * *

**A/N: I literally cried writing this. Don't make fun of me. It's really not that good at all XD I'm just a baby. Anyways, this came to me for no reason while I was taking a piss, so… yeah 8D isn't that pleasant? DX Matt, seriously, you write too many emo poems to Mello. God. XD SO MUCH ANGST! I'll have to write a happy poem sooner or later...**


	4. List of the Dead

**List of the Dead**

I was sitting there

Doing it again

That thing where I wonder

And I find that

I care.

The times when I wonder

Why is it?

That the best

The smartest

The boldest

The kindest

The brightest -

Why do we die like this?

Why are we cursed

For loneliness?

For death?

For sacrifice?

For cruelty?

I go over them in my head

Over and over.

L Lawliet,

Death by Kira,

Claimed by the curse of trust.

Mihael Kheel,

Death by a halted heart

Claimed by the very fire that fueled him.

Mail Jeevas,

Death by gunshot wounds,

Claimed by blind loyalty.

Light Yagami,

Death by gunshot and shinigami,

Claimed by ambition and the cruelest fate.

Misa Amayne,

Death by suicide

Claimed by blind stupidity called "love."

Naomi Misora,

Death by Kira,

Claimed by heartbreak.

A, with no last name worth mentioning,

Death by suicide,

Claimed by a doomed destiny.

Beyond Birthday,

Death by heart attack

Claimed by a world of insanity.

Quillish Wammy,

Death by shinigami,

Claimed by selflessness.

Me, Nate River,

Physically alive, dead on the inside,

Claimed by loneliness and regret.

The list would go on and on

If I let it.

All of them death

Driven by needless cruelty

And terrible fate.

All thought and strove

For what they saw to be justice.

All imperfect

Some more flawed

Than others.

Criminals, murders, psychopaths, fighters,

Orphans, detectives, geniuses, lovers.

Fate's a cruel thing.

Not one of them

Weather or not they deserve it or not regardless

Will ever receive the

"Thank you"

They each sought after.

And now, cruelest of all,

The world will not stop for them

Not even for a moment.

The rest of us will move on

Without a ponder

Nor a wonder.

"I wonder why it happened this way?"

-N

**A/N: Why I wrote this is a mystery to me. So don't ask.**

**Ha, you probably hate me. "You're suppose to be doing the next chapter of Heartburn, what are these stupid poems!?" I'll tell you what they are - their a sorce of my boredom! Hey, it's better than writers block, right? .w. if I force myself to write it, then I'll end up murdering it and making it suck. Wouldn't want that, would you?**


	5. Lucifer's Angels

**A/N: I swear, the next one I do won't be about these two. Seriously. XD…maybe. ' sorry for those of you looking for something else, I'm just obsessed, okay!? XDDD' this depressed me to write. Bah humbug. **

**Lucifer's Angels**

They were a pair

Made in Hell

Handpicked by Lucifer himself

Two orphaned boys

Spit-fire blonde

Loyal redhead,

Together till the end

Silently loving.

"Sodomy"

The whispers always there

Behind their backs

Or right in front of them.

One without the other

One half without the whole

Was incomplete

Until reunited

Together; a perfect fit

Unstoppable.

The first

A time bomb

"Tick tock, kaboom!"

Explosive and unstoppable

Eyes of ice

Spirit of fire

Scorching all in his way.

"Second place" they always say

But never get in his way!

A leader, thriving on

Control

Unstable, unstoppable,

Brought down in the end

By only the impossible.

Mello,

Mihael Keehl.

"What a maniac."

The other was

The shadow

Emerald eyes

Silently watching

Behind tinted lens

Loyal follower

Till the very end

Used, abused,

A sacrifice.

Compared to a dog

And died as such,

Faithful, always

Behind the former

No questions,

No regret,

Love without bounds

Nor exceptions.

Matt,

Mail Jeevas.

"What a fool."

The pair, they fought

The wheels of fate

To strike down a god

Of false variety,

Sacrificed

For the prospect

Of the previous lost

"Justice"

In the end

Sacrificing themselves

And each other.

Lucifer's angels,

A pair made in hell

And guided by heaven

(If there is such a thing)

Alone, indeed,

But for one another

Two parts of a whole

A perfect fit.

No thank you,

No goodbye.

Lucifer's angels,

Hear their cries,

For better or worse,

In the end…

"I'm so sorry…"

Goodbye.


	6. Ode To B

**Ode to B**

Fear the boy who mimics L

With ruby eyes that see

Beyond the view of you and me.

He'll see right into your very soul

His deadly gaze may swallow you whole!

They say that he's all kinds of evil

Fearful of his cleverness, the way that he'll

Outsmart nearly anyone

Without breaking a sweat.

They say he'd even kill a man

If he ever got the chance!

The perdiction was true, but really,

Those were his to kill.

He has the eyes of death, you see

Not too many people know.

I do, though - he told me so.

That night under the musty bed

With all the lights gone off.

They say he's cruel and merciless

With everyone he meets

He has no clue how to act - hell!

I won't disagree.

But b, you see, is not evil, that's a lie indeed,

I've seen him - the real him

The him that laughs and plays

The B who sometimes held me

On the worser of the days.

And he'd sometimes whisper

"A?" (That's my name.)

"What day is it today?"

And I'd look up at him

To meet his deep red eyes

That look like liquid rubies

Even in the dimist light.

And I would tell him even though

He already knew, and realy

He just wanted to break the silence, too.

You might not understand it

My meanings here and there

"BB is still a murderer - if he was nice to you

Who cares?"

Well I care, that's who

And so should you, I think.

You should fear this boy, they say.

One sight of his ruby eyes

And messy dark black hair

You should take off for the high hills

Flee and run away

And take no glance nor mention

At the odd look he'll throw your way.

He's not one for people, really,

His smile's kind of creepy,

Should you care to seek it out,

A wide, crooked, jack-o-lantern grin

That might scare even a Cheshire cat!

But it's honest and unforced

Always reaching those ruby reds

And even though it might scare some

I'll always stay to smile back

Because I kind of love that maniac

Even when his soul goes black.

-A

**A/N: Hah. There. Something not MxM. Someone requested I do something BxA, so wel, here you go, .TWIST3D ALPHAB3T.! Hope you all like it! (or not, whatever.)**


	7. Dear Mello,

**Dear Mello**

I'm just writing you this

To tell you that

I hate you.

You and your stubborn attitude

And how you never

Let anyone help you in your quest

For number one.

You and your ability

To make anyone and everyone

Bow and obey under your icy gaze

(Especially me).

I hate how you never

Let anyone in willingly

That even I,

The one you claimed to love,

Who followed you loyally

Like a puppy, like a slave,

Was taken for granted

And left behind in the end

I'm just writing you this

To tell you that

I like you.

You and your fiery spirit

And your fearlessness.

You and your inability

To stay still for more than a few seconds

And you're never boring.

I like that you

Don't let people push you around

And you sometimes

Spare me a smile.

I'm just writing you this

To tell you that

I'm better off without you.

You and your temper-tantrums

And how you pushed everyone around

Even me, sometimes.

You and your ambitious craziness

How you recklessly

Throw yourself into any fray

And tempt danger

Even challenging the claws of death.

You would probably be

The death of me

If you'd stuck around or

Brought me with you.

I'm just writing you this

To tell you that

I miss you.

You and your rare smiles

And how you somehow understood me.

How you could convince me

That I could fly

If you wanted to.

I miss how you,

Even though it hurt sometimes,

Would be there at my side

Kicking and fighting

Together.

You used to be here

But now your gone

And I'm all alone.

I miss you,

And so I'm

Sitting and sulking

Without you.

I'm just writing you this

To tell you that

I love you.

Because I do

Love you, I mean,

Even if it's foolish.

I love you and your

Homicidal temper

And your laugh

More like a giggle, really,

And your faux-angelic appearance

And your devilish personality.

I love your ice cold hatred

And soft, rare appearances

Of warmth and love.

I love your being you

All of you

Even if it is the death of me, nay,

even though it will be

the death of me

Because it will

Without a doubt.

But I don't care

That's fine - I love you more

Than life itself.

I'm just writing you this

To tell you

I need you.

But I guess it's pointless

You're gone.

I'm done hoping for

Nothing.

-Matt

**A/N: ahahaha… I never said that the one AFTER that wouldn't be MxM *innocnet smile* oh god I need to stop with the poems, but I have all these down in a notebook from school and I need to publish them before I go insane! AHHHH!**


	8. Titleless

Did you feel bad

when you heard the gunshots?

Did you freeze up

when you saw me go tense?

Did you lose your breath

when I took my last one?

Did tears form

when you watched me fall?

Did you shed tears

while I shed blood?

Did your heart break

when mine stopped beating?

Did you feel the pain that I felt

when I died?

_Did you die__ along with me?_

I'm not Christian,

but I pray.

I'm not optimistic,

but I hope.

I'm not superstitious,

but I wish.

_Please, oh God, let the answer be no._

**A/N: I don't know what this was, but it came to me, I wrote it down, and I felt I had to share it. It's pointless. Forgive me for this pathetic thing. I considered making it some long emo drabble, but I couldn't find a way to continue it.** **So then i just kind of converted into a poem, and... yeah. :/**


	9. Hey, Little Boy

Hey, little boy,  
You're a problem child  
You're flying high  
You're running wild.  
Don't let me tell you  
What you can and can't do  
I'm not your guardian  
I won't look out for you.

Hey, little boy,  
You won't hold back  
Stunning diamond in the rough  
No one makes crack.  
You fight and you kick  
Screaming and yelling  
Won't stop to listen to things  
That I'm telling.

Hey, little boy,  
We tried, we did  
Kept on saying, come on,  
He's just a kid!  
You kept them chasing  
Till they just simply dropped  
They can't hold you back  
You refuse to be stopped.

Hey, little boy,  
You're just too bad  
Gonna fix you up  
So we don't go mad  
Lock you up  
Chain you down  
Make you break and cry  
So much you'll drown.

Hey, little boy,  
You give up yet?  
Suppose he'll brake soon  
Want to bet?  
But you didn't break  
No sir, no how,  
You finally broke out  
Nothing can stop you, not now.

Hey, little boy,  
You're a loner for sure  
For that, someone like me  
Was the only cure.  
We fit just perfect  
You and I  
So when you left me here  
I wondered why.

Hey, little boy,  
Not so little anymore,  
Looking like an angel some  
Acting like the devil more.  
They couldn't dull you out  
They only made you brighter  
They took a simple problem child  
Turned him into a fighter.

Hey, little boy,  
You're a problem child  
You're flying high  
You're running wild.  
Try all you might  
You'll scare _them _away  
But you won't win with me -  
I'm here to stay.

-M

**A/N: Not sure why I wrote this, either. ._. It just came to me and I rolled with it. :P**


	10. Storm System

Together with you  
Others just wander by.  
But we'll reach up  
And touch the sky.

Face the storm,  
Dance with the rain,  
Out-scream the thunder,  
Out-run the pain.

Just for one second  
Enjoy this new thrill  
To relive those days  
I would surely kill.

You and me  
I don't doubt  
The entire world we  
Could surely out-shout.

Alone we can fly,  
Together we'll soar  
Alone we'll just die.  
But together we'll make  
tragedy.

It's not hard to spot  
Quite easy to see  
That beside you it's me  
They'd kill to be.

Watchful eyes  
From all directions  
Ignore them now, with  
Their wrong speculations.

We'll scream at the world,  
Voices lost in the wind.  
Where will we end up  
Those of us who have sinned?

You and your life  
It's a work of art  
I'm lucky that I'm  
Even a part.

But I'm the one  
Who can make you cry  
Make you laugh and scream,  
And sob and sigh.

I'm for you  
You're for me  
Together, blissful  
We would be.

That's not the case though  
We got the worst cut.  
If destinies are bodies  
We got the butt.

Just you and me  
We'll outrun the world  
There aren't many like you  
Who would be so bold.

I'm always yours, you don't  
Even have to try  
I wonder if you'll hurt  
When we say goodbye?

It's words like  
"I love you"  
That sound too good  
To be true.

So just don't say them  
I'm just fine without  
Even if you don't speak it  
I won't have a doubt.

Together with you  
Others just wander by.  
But we'll reach up  
And touch the sky.

Face the storm,  
Dance with the rain,  
Out-scream the thunder,  
Out-run the pain.

Just you and me,  
It's meant to be.

-M

**A/N: Great, another depressing love-drabble by Matt. Blah.**


	11. After This

_**A/N: Kind of religious theme in the beguining, in athiest-Matt POV. Just warning you. Not meant to offend ANYONE.**_

I hear the stories, I do;  
I listen to the dreams  
Of a perfect place of many names  
Heaven, Paradise, World Peace.  
No matter how you call it  
The wish is still the same.

Where might we find this perfect world?  
What direction do we take?  
What corners do we turn?  
How far must we wander  
To find this peaceful paradise?  
No one I ask seems to know for sure.

I'll be truthful here, because  
I trust you will not judge me.  
There is no right direction.  
There is no road nor golden staircase  
No pearly gates of white. An imperfect world  
Doesn't deserve a perfect ending.

I hope I'm wrong.  
I hope that after all of this horror  
After all of the pain  
That when I close my eyes  
And my last breath escapes me  
I'll find a peaceful "after".

But if I'm right  
And heaven isn't waiting for us,  
If the "after" is just nothingness,  
Just dark, just void,  
It won't matter to me. I really won't mind  
If it's all over.

Because really the truth is  
I don't need more. I don't need "after".  
I've had enough in my "before".  
I've had hate and terror and blood  
And I've had joy and bliss and love.  
Best of all, I had you.

You were the one who made it matter  
The one that gave my life reason  
To keep on going. It was you  
Who let me live not only the length of my life  
But the width as well. It was you that forced me  
To not only exist, but _live._

I died after nineteen years.  
I died barely an adult.  
I died a child, never seeing twenty.  
I died having never lost my youthful hope.  
I died hoping maybe the world wasn't so ugly.  
But I lived more than the oldest man.

My life wasn't perfect, far from it.  
I was orphaned, I was abused,  
I found love only to have it ripped from under me.  
I cut. I smoked. I drank. I did all the things mom tells you not to.  
I obeyed blindly, stealing, sneaking, even killing. I died like a dog.  
But for you, it was all worth it.

So if it's the end when I die  
If there's nothing waiting for me…  
If I never find out what happened to you,  
And never find peace, if I never meet God,  
Or whoever you might believe,  
At least I'll die knowing I lived for us.


	12. Leave

I hate that guy so much.  
Hate how you're together  
Despise how you love him  
And loathe how he lets you.

That guy should die  
For how he treats you  
Pushing you around constantly  
Treating you like dirt.

Don't you see it when he abuses you?  
Feel pain when he hits you,  
Anger when he screams at you,  
Sadness when he ignores you?

I can't fathom why  
You continue to love this person.  
He doesn't deserve you,  
Can't you see that?

A person like you should be loved  
Not like a dog, like a _person_.  
Because Matt, you're _beautiful,  
_Inside and out.

Why do you let him hurt you?  
Defile you and make you cry?  
You must be an angel  
For not ever leaving him.

I hate this person for that  
For letting you love him unconditionally  
Yet neglecting you constantly.  
He deserves nothing, especially not you.

So, baby, you've got to listen  
And take my word for this;  
Trust me when I tell you  
That this will be for your own good.

I want you to leave him.  
Kick the fucker out,  
Show no mercy, find someone new,  
Leave him in the dust.

Don't listen when he calls you  
Begging to have you back, crying  
That he can't live without you  
Because I know that he will.

Move on to someone better  
Someone who treats you better.  
Out with the old, in with the new,  
Forget but never forgive.

I love you, Matt, but do this one for you.  
Get out rid of him, show no mercy, no regrets:  
You're an angel, and to be honest,  
I'm not worth the dirt beneath your shoes.

_-M_

**A/N: If you didn't catch that, Mello is talking about himself. Wrote this over vacation on a whim… XD didn't turn out as well as I wanted it to, but… whatever.**


End file.
